Why I, A Gay, Am Not A Fan of The Phrase Love Is Love

Love Is Love. Three little words that mean so much, but is it time to take a longer look at them? The sentiment behind this phrase alludes to believing that all love is the same. Does this erase queer experiences even those it means to be inclusive? These have been questions I have wrestled with since coming out years ago.

While the meaning behind the sentence makes sense, it is not encompassing of all experiences. It makes sense to start here, so that people can see that gay love is not some wild, crazy, out there thing, but a reality that is meaningful and valid for many. That being said, there are many differences in what love looks like as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Queer love breaks barriers, looks beyond the accepted, and still believes it is worth it. To love someone outside of the heterosexual norm is to subject yourself to ridicule and hate. Choosing this is a sacrifice and an honor. Of course all love requires sacrifice, but fighting for equal rights, looking beyond the current states of realities, and knowing that your love is worth it is something way deeper. People have come before us who have died for us to be able to live as our true selves in the world. While much progress has happened since this movement was begun by black and brown transwomen, there is still farther to go. Many still believe our love is evil, rile, and disgusting. Being in a queer relationship means you know at anytime someone could be hateful towards you. We all know that going through hard times can make relationships stronger, but to experience these difficulties as a couple creates a feeling that is deeper than love. I don’t have a word for it because this is a prime example of how language can fail us.

As Pride month comes to a close and corporations take down their rainbow banners, I hope you ponder on this and remember our experiences are real all year round. Next time you hear the phrase, I hope you think differently about what is being said and realize the weight of that small word. Don’t erase our experiences for a PR moment or try to hop on a trend. We need allyship all months, not just June.